being absent means it feels like he is more present

in August 2012 i wrote:

Over the last year and half Soeun has been sick most of the time, often feels like he's not really here. He doesn't seem like the person used to know. A friend asked me the other day how I was coping with him being away. He said something like his wife would find it hard if he was away for so long.

I actually feel like I don't cope very well with his absence, but him being in Cambodia actually means he feels more present as he is healthy and can do stuff like laugh, ride motos and he is even preaching tomorrow.

So these weeks while he is away I'm feeling ok, it was the 1.5 years before that when it was hard, when he was really absent.